Know Your Sexual Fetish
Sharing the most intimate details of your sex life is still generally frowned upon. But, if you can't talk about it with your closest friends, will it be any easier to bring it up in the bedroom?
You might not have known much about experimenting with boundaries in the bedroom if it weren't for mainstream erotica and softcore pornography (hello, "Fifty Shades of Grey"). And we might not know how many Americans have tried — and liked — spanking and tying each other up if it weren't for anonymous studies.
The truth is that at least some of your friends have probably tried it, and one out of every five uses it as part of their regular bedroom play. According to the 2015 Sexual Exploration in America StudyTrusted Source, more than 22% of sexually active adults engage in role-playing, and more than 20% have been tied up and spanked.
Perhaps more unexpected? Another survey discovered that nearly half of the 1,040 people polled were interested in kink, even if they hadn't had the chance to explore it. And there's growing evidence that having fun in the bedroom can be beneficial to both your health and your relationship.
Let's take a step back for a moment and define kink.
While there is no medical or technical definition of kink, it is generally defined as any sexual practice that deviates from convention — commonly considered acts such as loving touch, romantic talk, kissing, vaginal penetration, masturbation, and oral sex. The term "kinky" refers to anything that deviates from the "straight and narrow," but there are a few categories that frequently fall under the kinky sex umbrella:
BDSM. Most people associate kinky sex with BDSM, a four-letter acronym that stands for six distinct concepts: bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism. The activities in BDSM range from light paddle spanking and dominant/submissive role-playing to bondage parties and pain play.
Role-playing games and fantasy. Creating imagined scenarios is one of the most common forms of kinky sex. This can range from as simple as discussing a fantasy in bed to as complex as dressing up and acting out scenes in front of strangers. Fetishes. One in every four men and women is interested in fetish play, which is defined as sexually treating a nonsexual object or body part. Feet and shoes, leather or rubber, and diaper play are all common fetishes (yes).
Exhibitionism or voyeurism? Observing someone undressed or a couple having sex without their knowledge are common voyeur fantasies, whereas having sex in public is an example of exhibitionism. Both are surprisingly common (and naughty) — 35% of adults polled expressed interest in voyeurism.
Sex in groups. Threesomes, sex parties, orgies, and other acts involving more than two people are all examples of group sex. Ten percent of women and 18 percent of men have participated in group sex, with even higher percentages expressing interest.
Kinky sex can be beneficial in unexpected ways.
First, listen to the science: Kinky sex may assist you in feeling better and being more mentally healthy. According to a 2013 study trusted Source, both dominant and submissive BDSM practitioners were:
more conscientious and less sensitive to rejection
They also reported higher subjective well-being than the control group. This could mean one of two things: people with these characteristics are drawn to kinky sex, or kinky sex can help you grow and gain confidence. However, the latter is very likely, especially as we learn more about the effects of kinky sex.
Misconceptions, stereotypes, and myths about kinky sex
It's no surprise that there are many myths and misconceptions about kinky sex because we don't talk about it. Let's clear the air about a few kink stereotypes.
Women are also interested in kink.
While some types of kinky sex are more appealing to one sex than the other — for example, more men are interested in foot fetish play, while more women are interested in experiencing pain as part of sex — both men and women want to explore kink about equally.
You are not "crazy" for considering BDSM.
BDSM is frequently associated with abuse and violence in the mainstream media. However, studies show that the average person who engages in a consensual kink has better psychological health than the general population.
You don't need a lot of expensive equipment.
When you think of kinky sex, images of a leather-clad dominatrix wielding a matching whip may come to mind. But really, all you need is your imagination and a willing partner.
There are definitely stores for certain fetishes or if you want to explore the world more thoroughly. However, trying kink requires far less equipment than, say, playing in your local recreational hockey league. If you want to experiment with sensory deprivation or restraints, you don't even need blindfolds or handcuffs — a tie or pillowcase will suffice.
Keeping bedroom play enjoyable and safe
Even though kinky sex has many advantages and can be whatever you and your partner want it to be, there are a few things you should keep in mind to ensure that your explorations are enjoyable, safe, and positive.
Everything starts with an agreement.
Informed consent isn't just something you should do before meeting a new partner; it should also happen before any sex act, especially if you're trying something new. Communication is essential in all sexual relationships, especially when exploring dominant/submissive roles or potentially causing pain.
Safe words are no laughing matter.
Restraints or resistance may be a part of your fantasy, which is more common than you might think among women. To ensure that you can say no in your fantasy world while also clearly saying no to your partner, use a safe word that you both agree on before you get kinky. The default phrases are red light (stop) and green light (go) (keep going).
Consider (and discuss) your "hard limits."
Everyone has their own set of limits and boundaries. While being open to new bedroom activities is great, it's also important to be open about what you don't want to explore (as in never, ever). Discuss these "hard limits" openly with your partner — there's no need to be coy.
Make sure the pain is pleasurable — and that it has no negative health consequences. Mixing pain and pleasure is a big part of kinky sex. While many couples draw the line at light spanking or slapping, those who explore other avenues, such as breast and genital pain, should educate themselves to avoid serious or long-term tissue or nerve damage.
Aftercare is equally important.
Women can experience "postcoital dysphoraTrusted Source" even when having non-kinky sex, which includes symptoms such as anxiety, irritability, or motiveless crying. It is critical to counteract this with aftercare that includes emotional intimacy and communication, especially for BDSM.
So don't just go to bed after a night of intense sex. Check-in with your partner to ensure they're okay with what just happened.
Remember that kinky sex is exactly what you want it to be.
Kink can appear very differently to different couples, and that's perfectly fine. Getting into kink doesn't have to start with purchasing a leather body suit and a whip. It could be as simple as observing what happens when you depart from your normal bedroom routine and enter a new world of sex.
The fundamental principles of successful kinky sex are the same as those of any strong, long-term relationship:
A sexual fetish is a strong sexual interest in a particular object or activity that is necessary for sexual gratification. It is not uncommon for people to have a fetish, as it can help them to explore their sexuality and learn more about what turns them on.
One of the most popular fetishes is the sex doll fetish, which involves using a life-like doll to fulfill sexual desires. People who have this fetish may enjoy using the dolls in a variety of ways, including dressing them up, positioning them in different ways, and even having sex with them.
If you’re interested in exploring this fetish, there are is websites that can help you get started. Tantaly,com is one of the most popular sites for sex dolls, offering a wide selection of dolls in various sizes and styles. You can even customize them to your own specifications.
Exploring a sex doll fetish can be a great way to enhance your sexual pleasure and explore your fantasies. However, it’s important to be aware of the potential risks associated with using sex dolls, such as the possibility of infection or injury. It’s also important to make sure you are buying a quality product from a reputable seller.