Rough Sex—Why Do We Crave It?


There is no secret that the nowadays society is more open to the topic of sex than it was only 20 years ago. With the beginning of the 20th century, people started to experiment more of their freedom, as well as open their minds more towards subjects that before were thought to be tabu. It is also the case of sex, which has become one of the greatest pleasures of young life, and people start experimenting it from younger ages than before. While having sex as a very young person is not good at all, because of the trauma that might appear from not being able to understand it properly, once the person is mature enough to understand not only its pleasure, but its risks, as well, the sexual activities become of great attraction.

Not only that sex itself has become more interesting to youngsters over the past years, but also have the use of sex toys, the use of role play and the practice of rough sex. More and more people start having rough sex. In the beginning they’re just experiencing a new way of doing the things, but most of them actually enjoy it and begin having it more and more often. The question is what rough sex is and why do people crave it?


What Is Rough Sex?

It is not easy giving a definition for this concept, because the meaning of the word “rough” changes from one person to another. However, the main difference between the classic way of having sex and the rough one is that, in general, rough sex refers to one or more sexual activities that include some kind of aggressive behavior. Rough sex also comes along with the concept of “pleasurable pain”, this kind of pain being involved as much as series of fast and vigorous movements. The desire for rough sex is both normal and common, so if you crave it in secret, you need to know there’s no shame in it.

What Is Not Rough Sex?

We feel responsible to mention that even if rough sex implies some kind of violent moves as well as some kind of violent actions, if there’s one participating in the act of rough sex that lacks the pleasure or hasn’t given their consent in this act, it no longer is rough sex, but rape. It is extremely important that the act of rough sex creates pleasure for all those implied and this is why the first thing to always remember if you are a part of this act is the words “pleasurable pain”. It is okay to hurt somehow, as long as you are all enjoying it, but it is definitely not okay and definitely illegal to hurt one participant without accepting it.

Why Do We Enjoy Rough Sex?

The opinions over this questions are separated by mentality. Some people think that rough sex is so popular through today’s lifestyle because of the habits of porn we have accepted in our lives. They think that we are just recreating what we see on the screens because in the moment we watch a porn movie we are so on fire that we think the action and the dialogs are sexy and basically, we’re just trying to get that sexy thing the adult movies have in our own sex life. However, there are some other people that think when having rough sex, it tends to be more arousing and the orgasms are more intense.

The Connection Between Pain and Pleasure

Even if sex has more to do with instincts, when it comes to pleasurable pain, there is a scientific explanation. Apparently, our brain receives the pain impulse in the same area as it receives the pleasure impulse. Some scientist say that we only feel the pain of something bad because of the negative environment and there are experiments showing that the same pain hurts way less in a happy environment, therefore being slapped during sex is way better than being slapped when walking on the street, for example.

Rough Sex Helps Escape the Daily Routine

There is no secret our society is all about being fast, having the work routine and having very little time for ourselves and it has been discovered that having rough sex actually helps people disconnect better from their daily stressful lives.

Dealing With Trauma Through Rough Sex

Unfortunately, even if rough sex causes pleasure and is, mostly, a helpful process, what it brings in some people is not only a happy experience. There are a lot of people that only enjoy rough sex because it gives them the feeling of security, the control over their lives and because they get to forget a bad experience they might had in the past. If you are one of these persons, you need to know we are proud of how you’re dealing with your feelings and you should know you are not alone!

How To Safely Explore Rough Sex Activities

If someone proposes to you to have this kind of sexual activity, it is very important to be honest, open and explicit when you set the boundaries. Sex should always, no matter if regular or rough, be a cause of pleasure for all the people that participate in it. Therefore, be open about your limits, be open about your preferences and don’t be afraid to say “no” if there’s something you don’t feel good to do.

Clearly Communicating Your Wants and Needs

No matter how much you trust and love your partner, when it comes to rough sex, there should always be the “talk” before getting to the action. Even if you both know each other like the back of your palm, you should still talk about what you are willing to do and what you are not willing to do and no matter how awkward the conversation might be, just remember you are a team and you are there for each other, during sex too, so the main purpose is for you to create pleasure to each other. Don’t be ashamed of the conversation and don’t be afraid to say no!

Setting Boundaries

Aggressive sex play could be less fun if one of you is not enjoying it anymore or if one of you is taking in too much pain. Therefore, when you have the conversation about your boundaries, don’t forget to set a safe word. This way, no matter the amount of dirty talk or role play you have, both of you and your partner will know exactly when to stop if one of you is not having fun anymore.

Don’t Forget the Aftercare

Even if rough sex is not as focused on sentiments and feeling as normal sex is, it is extremely important for you and your partner to make sure you both reassure the other one about their importance in your life, to make sure you give each other the love you need and to spend some quality time together.

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